These are strange times for me at the club I love as however much I'm enjoying seeing Hull City play in the Premier League, I'm getting more and more frustrated about not being involved.
And it looked even bleaker on Sunday when I wasn't even named on the bench for the 2-2 draw with Everton. It was the first time in 18 years that I'd been fit but wasn't involved and it hurt like hell.
I've got a meeting with manager Phil Brown this week to discuss my future and if he tells me that this is the way it's going to be then I will have to consider my options.
I'm not one of these footballlers who doesn't mind picking up a cheque every week for not playing and I also don't want to train every day and then end up taking the dog for a walk on a Saturday.
At the start of the season the manager made positive noises about me saying I had a role at the club this season and I want to see if this is still the case. If not then fine, but tell me and I'll go and play somewhere else.
I've always said I'd like to carry on playing until I was 42 and I still think it can be with Hull City in the Premier League, but it's his opinion that counts the most and if he tells me differently I'll accept it and move on.
It was a strange experience watching the game in a suit on Sunday with people coming up to me asking me if I was injured. I was willing the boys to do well and I was delighted when we went 2-0 up but it would have been even better if I'd been involved.
The game itself was another Premier League lesson for us as we threw away our lead and nearly lost the game at the end. Fair play to David Moyes who made some tactical changes at half-time which turned the game, but I've always said you must win your home matches in this league so it was definitely two points dropped.
Next up it's a trip to Arsenal for the lads and no one outside the city will be expecting us to get anything from the Emirates. But if we go looking to win and with a plan to do more than just defend, we may be able to sneak a point.
Whether I'll be involved or not is another question.
