THE OSCARS 2009: OSCAR CRY BABIES

The first of the modern day Hollywood howlers, Gwynie reportedly keeps her 1999 Best Actress award for Shakespeare in Love hidden away because it evokes embarrassing memories.

Hardly surprising, considering the macrobiotic muncher treated the Tinseltown elite to a deluge of sobs that will stick in the mind far more than her winning performance. She explained: "I'd had a really difficult year. My father had been sick and my grandfather was dying." Poor love.

The Monster's Ball actress made history in 2002 when she became the first black woman to win Best Actress, and Denzel Washington made it an African American one-two with the Best Actor statue for his crazy Training Day turn.
The occasion was too much for Halle as she struggled to deliver her speech through increasingly violent yelps. She bawled: "This is for every nameless, faceless woman of colour who now has a chance because this door has been opened," before departing to a standing ovation. Dramarama.

The sultry Australian was left looking downcast when she lost out to Halle Berry in 2002, and she looked even less cheery the following year when she actually scooped the Best Actress gong for The Hours. Some people are truly never satisfied, including Nic.

She told the audience: "Russell Crowe said don't cry, if you get up there, and now I'm crying." Her tears began falling when she started talking about the war in Iraq - proof politics and entertainment don't mix.

First up, let's set the record straight. In 2005, Jamie was nominated for Best Actor for Ray AND Best Supporting Actor for Collateral. Anyone who's seen Michael Mann's assassin versus taxi driver thriller will know that should have been two Actor nods.

Anyway, despite such a ridiculous example of cap-doffing to celebrity, Foxx triumphed for his superlative portrayal of Ray Charles and shed tears as he eulogised his late Gran: "Now, she only speaks to me in my dreams..."

Michael Douglas' esteemed father was nominated for three Best Actor awards in the 1950s. However, he never made it onto the stage until 1996, when he was given the Honorary Award just months after suffering a stroke which paralysed one side of his face.
Visibly moved, he told the nominees: "Whatever happens, you are all winners. Keep that in mind as you sit in the audience with a weak smile, applauding someone else who has won your Oscar." Ouch. Tears also flowed for Bob Altman in 2006.