This week, the Girlfri3nds have been getting to know the boys better – or at least trying to. But when the truth is out there, sometimes it’s hard to handle. Is honesty really the best policy in love? match.com’s dating expert Kate Taylor tells all...
How much should you REALLY reveal about yourself in the early stages of dating? We’ve seen both sides of this issue this week. First of all, Laura has been struggling to get to know George, as his happy-go-lucky personality has deflected her from delving into the “real” him. But being truthful backfired for Dean – when he came clean about his chequered relationship history, Sarah found she couldn’t get past it and decided not to see him again.
How should you play the truth game? Here are my essential Dos and Don’ts.
DO… Be open about your lifestyle
Things like work, friends and family are all up for discussion in the early stages of dating. Avoiding talking about these subjects would simply make you look evasive and secretive. Plus, the right person for you will accept – even embrace! – your lifestyle. Last week Ed admitted he was late for his date with Amy because he was caught at work. Amy couldn’t see how that meant she could possibly fit into his life, so she said goodbye. Long-term, this is actually good for Ed – it frees him up for someone who accepts his work-commitments from day one.
DON’T… believe you’re obliged to admit every mistake
Your past is your past. You don’t have to haul your baggage onto the table during a first date and unpack every item. If you have to admit a mistake, emphasise the steps you have taken to fix it. Saying, “I got into debt but I took a second job to pay it off,” actually tells people you are a success, not a failure.
DO…. Cultivate an image of honesty
Be wary of deflecting neutral questions with jokey answers. While this is acceptable to a certain degree (you’re not obliged, on a first date, to reveal the true reasons your past relationships broke down, for example), over time it will create an image of shadiness. When Thomas failed to give an honest answer to Amy’s BFF Kim’s question about sex, it made her wonder what else he was keeping to himself.
DON’T… allow insecurity to encourage you to hide things.
If they are revealed, little white lies will be seen by your dates as big red flags. After Sarah admitted she would find it difficult to trust Dean because of his “player” past, his reaction was to say, “I didn’t have to be honest with you,” suggesting that others in his situation might simply be dishonest in the future, to avoid putting people off. Relationships can only work when your partner is in love with the real you. If there are things YOU don’t like about how you’ve lived your life, don’t hide them – work towards changing them. That’s better for you and your partners.
So the spark wasn’t there for the girls with Dean, Jon and Ed, but could they be right for you? Get to know them and the rest of the boys from the show free now at www.match.com/girlfri3nds