1. ITV Report

The Prime Minister's priority for 2014? Hiding his bald spot

David Cameron joked that 'keeping the bald spot under control' is his priority for the year ahead. Photo: PA

David Cameron poked fun at his ever-growing bald patch in front of an audience of journalists at the annual Westminster Correspondents dinner.

The black tie event - revived for the first time since 1974 - was held in what the Prime Minister described as the "posh" House of Commons Members' dining room.

Announcing "my priorities for the year ahead" he declared: "Number one - keeping the bald spot under control."

He also insisted he had not known in advance that his hairdresser was getting an MBE in the New Year's Honours but added: "If you can make cuts and stop recession at the same time, you deserve an honour."

His other two priorities, he said, were keeping the coalition on the road while Nick Clegg "the product of the mean streets of Westminster and Cambridge", tried to differentiate himself from the public-school Tories, and keeping Lib Dem Home Office minister Norman Baker off the television.

Too much airtime? Keeping Norman Baker 'off the television' is one of David Cameron's priorities for 2014 Credit: PA

Boris Johnson also came in for extensive teasing as the PM took aim at the London Mayor's younger antics as a member of Oxford University's notorious Bullingdon Club, and his more recent love life.

"The last time I was at a dinner this posh, Boris (Johnson) spent the rest of the night in prison," Mr Cameron joked.

He then recounted a tongue-in-cheek anecdote about a day spent canvassing with the London Mayor, when a woman answered their knock on the door with the words: "Boris, you're the father of one of my children."

A moment's horrified flustering by Johnson was ended as she added: "It's your daughter, I'm her maths teacher."

Portmsouth North MP Penny Mordaunt will appear in a forthcoming episode of ITV diving contest Splash! Credit: PA

Speaking about backbencher Penny Mordaunt forthcoming appearance on ITV diving show Splash to raise money for charity, he said:

If every Tory MP who's taken their clothes off in recent years had had such noble intentions, we would be in a much better position.

– David Cameron on Penny Mordaunt's Splash appearance

His Labour rivals did not escape a mention in his speech, with Mr Cameron claiming that he and House of Commons adversary Ed Balls have a lot in common.

We both love The Sound of Music, we both love Delia Smith - for different reasons - and we both like the Antiques Roadshow.

I like it for the heartwarming stories, Ed likes it when they sell the family silver.

– David Cameron on Ed Balls

Ending the speech on a serious note, Mr Cameron paid tribute to The Guardian's parliamentary sketchwriter Simon Hoggart, who died earlier this month, and praised Britain's tradition of a free and fearless press.

He said: "At its best, the British press and the political press has a vital role to play in our country.

"Tenacious, uncontrollable, sceptical, often uncomfortable for us politicians, British political reporting is deservedly respected around the world for the way it probes, inquires and scrutinises. These things are lynchpins of our democracy."