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  1. ITV Report

10 of the best Adrian Mole quotes

Sue Townsend died aged 68 Photo: PA

Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole series sold in their millions and made her one of the most successful British authors of recent times.

Here are some of the best lines from the endearing adolescent that entertained generations of readers.

  • "I have never seen a dead body or a female nipple. This is what comes from living in a cul de sac".
  • “Now I know I am an intellectual. I saw Malcolm Muggeridge on the television last night, and I understood nearly every word".
  • "My father was reading Playboy under cover of the candlelight and I was reading Hard Times by my key-ring torch."
  • "After hearing the disgusting noises from downstairs last night, I have also vowed never to drink alcohol."
  • "I must say that I take my hat off to Sainsbury's, they seem to attract a better class of person. I saw a vicar choosing toilet paper; he chose a four-roll pack of purple three-ply. He must have money to burn! He could have bought some shiny white and given the difference to the poor. What a hypocrite!"
  • "Pandora! / I adore ya / I implore ye / Don't ignore me." One of Adrian's early attempts at verse inspired by his love of the unobtainable Pandora Braithwaite.
  • "It is the first day of spring. The council have chopped all the elms down in Elm Tree Avenue."
  • "My mother wants to move. She wants to sell the house that I have lived in all my life. She said that we will need more room 'for the baby'. How stupid can you get? Babies hardly take any space at all. They are only about 21 inches long."
  • "Had a note from Mr Cherry asking me when I can resume my paper round. I sent a note back to say that due to my mother's desertion I am still in a mental state. This is true. I wore odd socks yesterday without knowing it. One was red and one was green. I must pull myself together. I could end up in a lunatic asylum."
  • "Perhaps when I am famous and my diary is discovered people will understand the torment of being a 13 3/4 year old undiscovered intellectual".

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