So, after a baby, a rant and an armband, there was no Boy's Own victory over Brazil for Wayne Rooney in his first match as England captain.
In fact, on a night when England were starved of possession, it was one of the quietest nights Rooney has ever had as Fabio Capello's second string team slipped to an expected defeat.
Lets say at once, to make meaningful judgements on anyone the game needs to have a sense of intensity and there was little in evidence during a contest played in the desert that seemed to get stuck in quicksand.
It may have been due to ignorance, or a sense of anticipation for what the gods of the game were about to deliver, but there was no atmosphere whatsoever when the game began. The Qataris will have to do better than that if they are going to host the World Cup in 2022.
By that time, Brazil showed glimpses of what makes them, well, Brazil.
Those little passes and quick feet are mesmerising viewing. While Kaka's thunder might have been stolen by Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi in recent times, the former world player of the year remains a master of his art.
It probably explained why England were so tentative. There was little sign of cohesion but none can have been expected given the massive number of changes Capello was forced to make.
But there was an element of fright too. In not wanting to get bypassed by one of those slick attacking moves, England provided the most watchable team on the planet with time and space to exhibit their talents.
In demanding to play the number one ranked team, five-times World Cup winners and favourites to make it six in South Africa next summer, Capello presumably did not need to find out Brazil can play a bit.
What he wanted was an education for his players, similar to the one they experienced in Seville last February when Spain cut England apart with their exquisite midfield passing.
It was the first time the Three Lions had faced South American opposition under their impressive manager, and this particular South American opposition come with the guarantee of a stern test.
Lesson number one was delivered two minutes after the re-start. It is something we hear often in the Premier League. It is this. If defenders switch off for a single second, top-class players will punish you.
Matthew Upson was the unfortunate scholar. It wasn't as if the West Ham star was doing badly either. One tackle on Kaka drew comparisons with the legendary one by another Hammer, Bobby Moore, on Pele in 1970.
But after a decent first-half, he allowed Nilmar to drift between him and Joleon Lescott at the start of the second. Elano produced one of those unerringly accurate crosses he delivered with maddening inconsistency for Manchester City and England were one down. Even for the best, football can be a simple game.
Lesson number two. When you have conceded one goal, don't give another away immediately.
Thankfully, England avoided this mishap. It was nothing to do with them though, just the atrocious shooting of Luis Fabiano, who blazed a penalty into the night sky after Ben Foster had brought down Nilmar.
For all his lack of action at Manchester United, Foster seems to be edging further up the England pecking order. His place on the plane to South Africa is surely booked. Now the question is can he squeeze past Robert Green and David James?
He has the ability. But as Sir Alex Ferguson has discovered, he is also capable of inexplicable mistakes. Admittedly, it was Manchester United team-mate Wes Brown that left him with little option other than to bring Nilmar down for the penalty.
Only a sympathetic yellow card allowed him to stay on the field.
That is not to say there weren't plusses. James Milner has made an excellent adjustment to life with the England senior squad.
There has been a suspicion for some time that Capello sees the youngster's versatility as a big asset in South Africa and, if the squad was being picked tomorrow, he would be in it.
Shaun Wright-Phillips improved after a slow start and there is a big scrap developing between him, Theo Walcott and Aaron Lennon for what will be two berths at best in Capello's final 23.
England's back five, apart from those glaring mistakes, did well to restrict their highly talented opponents to such limited opportunities.
But for Darren Bent, it was a disappointment, so too Jermaine Jenas and Gareth Barry, who at least knows he has done much better before.
One friendly to go, then Capello has to start making his mind up.
