PlayThree guesses what former England cricketer and later coach David Lloyd was describing when he said: “It’s like Lancashire v Yorkshire or Middlesex v Surrey only on a much bigger scale. After all we sent them there in the first place!”
Yes it can only be England v Australia, a rivalry so competitive that it once even spawned a Gladiators Ashes special which showcased muscle-bound beefcakes fighting for national pride with giant cotton buds.
Sadly Australia has had the better of almost all sporting encounters over the years with ritual cricket and rugby league humiliations handed out almost at will, save for the occasional scrap thrown down to the paupers from the high table. They even won the last football match between the countries.
And even when England do manage to get a win – such as at the 2005 cricket Ashes - it’s almost always by a whisker, the victory extracted at maximum cost to nerves and sanity.
Even in a losing cause there is no doubting the unquenchable thirst for success that pervades the Australian sporting culture.
Others less charitably put this down to the massive financial investment made over the years by their government in order to give an otherwise largely inconsequential nation some so-called clout on the global stage.
Whatever the reason for their dominance in recent years in most sports they’ve lorded it over England. But one area in which the motherland have, at least in recent clashes, held the whip hand over Bruce is in Rugby World Cup clashes.
The score is two-apiece in four clashes between the teams with England triumphing in the last two encounters.
Australia won the opening clash in 1987 in Sydney 19-6 with tries from Simon Poidevin and arch Pommie hater David Campese plus the boot of Michael Lynagh seeing off a shambolic England outfit.
Then in 1991 came the most painful loss in English rugby history. Hosting the tournament England went into the final against the old enemy as favourites thanks to their dominant pack and forward-orientated game.
Perhaps riled by taunting comments from motormouth Campese, England ditched their hitherto successful tactics in favour of a more expansive game and came undone, losing by just six points.
It could have been different had Welsh referee Derek Bevan given England a penalty try after Campese intervened in a certain England touch down when he knocked down a pass – almost certainly deliberately – with a free Rory Underwood waiting in vain.
Australia had won 12-6 in the enemy’s back yard, taken the cup down under and Campese was the Aussie hero and English villain. He wouldn’t have had it any other way.
England gained their revenge four years later, knocking the defending champions out at the quarter-final stage in Cape Town and, remarkably, racking up their first win against the Wallabies outside of the northern hemisphere.
As always the Australians refused to surrender and the match went to extra time after an epic kicking encounter between England’s Rob Andrew and Australia’s Lynagh – both of whom who slotted home five penalties and a conversion in normal time with the scores locked at 22 all.
Then in extra time Andrew unleashed a fearsome 50 yard drop-goal to finally give victory to England in one of the most memorable World Cup moments ever.
The teams didn’t face each other in 1999, which considering that an insipid England were knocked out in the quarter-finals while Australia won the tournament may not have been a bad thing…
But the 2003 final was worth waiting eight years for. England roared into a 14-5 lead but Australia hauled themselves back into the game with Elton Flatley showing a dead eye and nerves of steel to kick his side level with the final score coming right on 80 minutes.
Jonny Wilkinson and Flatley then swapped penalties in extra time before that moment. With the game seemingly headed for sudden death Wilkinson echoed Andrew and drop kicked the Australians into despair, neatly mirroring Australia’s 1991 achievement of winning the World Cup in their opponent’s home stadium.
The Aussies took it well though. Here’s Australian Rugby Union chief executive John O'Neill speaking last week: “It doesn't matter whether it's cricket, rugby union, rugby league – we all hate England.
“We remember in 1995 they knocked us out of the World Cup with Rob Andrew's field goal. They also beat us in extra time in 2003. It's time to get square and knock them off in Marseille."
If past form is anything to go by Saturday in the south of France will be a nerve-shredding humdinger of epic proportions.
- Watch England v Australia live and exclusively on ITV1 and itv.com at 1.30pm on Saturday October 6.
