Jokes about Donald Trump, Love Island and Coleen Rooney’s sleuth saga have been named as some the best Christmas cracker gags of 2019.
The British public were asked to submit their best original jokes for the annual competition run by TV channel Gold, which were then judged anonymously by 2,000 people.
The winning wisecrack, penned by secondary school teacher Matt King, reads: “Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate?
"He doesn’t get on with china.”
Mr King, from Wokingham, received £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of Gold Christmas crackers, one of which contained his own gag.
For a second year running a joke about the US president topped the list.
Last year’s winning joke read: “What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker?
"Pays her off.”
Another of this year’s jokes riffed on Rooney’s claim that Rebekah Vardy’s Instagram account was the source of leaked stories about her private life.
The saga made headlines around the world, with the hashtag #WagathaChristie trending.
The joke reads: “What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite game to play over the festive period?
The reality TV show Love Island also featured on the winning list.
A joke about the popular ITV2 programme reads: “What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.”
Bruce Dessau, comedy critic and head of the judging panel, said: “Amongst the political turmoil that seems to have swamped our country this year, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through.
“With subjects ranging from Brexit and Love Island, to Greta Thunberg and Coleen Rooney, there are jokes here to tickle even the biggest of Scrooges.”
Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, said: “The festive period is a time for reflection on the year, and although we’ve certainly had our ups and downs, it’s incredible to see that British wit remains as sharp as ever.”
The top 10 Christmas cracker jokes for 2019, according to Gold:
Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate?– He doesn’t get on with china.
Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?– It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?– Carbon footprints.
What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite game to play over the festive period?– Guess Who.
Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa?– Because he struggles in the poles.
Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas?– Because she’s a swede dish campaigner.
What’s the difference between Rudolph’s nose and David Cameron’s autobiography?– Only one will be red at Christmas.
What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island?– A melt.
What is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey?– The Crown.