Kerry Needham has spoken exclusively to Calendar as police step up their search to find her son Ben, on the Greek holiday island of Kos.
In the interview Kerry talks about the pain of being in the country and how she will not be attending the search of land near a farmhouse where Ben vanished 21 years ago.
I don't know what it is - just the place - it kills me inside. I couldn't go there last time so knowing what the police are doing up there now I don't think my emotions could take it, so no I'm not going.
Today is the fourth day of the police search.
Specialist officers are using JCB diggers today to look for clues.
Teams are searching with metal detectors too.
Officers say they are looking for things like toys the missing toddler could have been playing with when he disappeared.
"It's called a magnetometer. It basically finds and locates ferrous metals. It's almost like a very powerful metal detector in essence that will potentially find things in the ground that may be of interest to us."
[I am here] so the Greek police know that they have my backing, to be on hand to update me and basically to show the minority that myself and my family have nothing to hide."
More details on Ben Needham here
Ben's disappearance has been treated as an abduction for decades. It is the only reported case of its type on Kos.
There have been no significant finds as yet.
Locals say it has had an impact on tourism.
"It's true that some people can be affected when they choose holidays if they take into consideration this incident. We all hope to find an answer no matter how hard this will be."