1. ITV Report

Have you heard the one about Southern rail?

A joke about Southern rail has come runner up in a national competition to write the best modern Christmas cracker joke.

A gag about Prime Minister Theresa May won the top spot with the best line voted to be: "Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? She couldn't run a stable government", written by Samuel Williams from Kent.

Gags about Donald Trump, Brexit, and Ryanair also proved popular in the annual competition.

In a world that seems to have turned upside down in recent years, there is something wonderfully reassuring about the fact that people have still retained their sense of humour and come up with some inspired gags for this year's Gold Christmas Crackers competition.

The subjects of the jokes that were entered reflects the issues that concern the country today: from Brexit and Donald Trump to Bruce Forsyth and Southern Rail, people have still been able to find the funny side.

– Bruce Dessau, comedy critic

The top 10 jokes were voted to be:

  • 1. Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? She couldn't run a stable government.
  • 2. Why don't Southern Rail train guards share advent calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.
  • 3. What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year.
  • 4. Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change.
  • 5. Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying "moron" to him.
  • 6. Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot.
  • 7. Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal.
  • 8. Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet.
  • 9. What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? "Good game, good game".
  • 10. Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas Day? He wants to give peas a chance.