When arguing with Albert becomes too much, Harold takes drastic action to get some peace.

Divided We Stand

Comedy

When the arguments become just too much for Harold, he decides to take drastic measures to get some peace from Albert.

Steptoe and Son

They run a junk business - but one of them is desperate to escape

Classic comedy from the 60s and 70s. Albert and son Harold run a junk business from their chaotic Shepherd's Bush flat, but Harold wants out. Featuring a young Joanna Lumley!

steptoe-and-son

Harold returns home from work one day to reveal that he has had a business offer.

The Offer

Harold returns home from work one day to reveal that he has had a lucrative business offer.

Harold has been going out in the evenings, making Albert suspicious.

The Bird

Harold has been going out in the evenings, making Albert suspicious. It turns out Harold has a 'bird', so Albert suggests he invite her round.

The offer of a free piano seems too good to be true - and it is.

The Piano

Harold decides the business is not being run properly.

The Economist

Harold reads a book on capitalism and comes to the conclusion that the business is not being run properly. He decides that in order to make large profits they must start buying goods in bulk.

The Diploma

Harold is fed up with scraping a living and with Albert's constant criticism of his ability to do the rounds. He decides to follow a different vocation and takes a correspondence course in TV repairing.

Harold has holiday plans, and they don't involve Albert!

The Holiday

Harold has holiday plans, and they don't involve Albert or the annual trip to Bognor Regis. Albert attempts to change his son's mind by using emotional blackmail.

Wallah Wallah Catsmeat

Harold suggests that it's time for Hercules the horse to be sent off to the cat food factory. Albert is dismayed and things get worse when Hercules falls ill.

Albert's habit of taking a bath in the front room is ruining Harold's chances with girls.

The Bath

Albert's habit of taking a bath in the front room is ruining Harold's chances with girls he invites back home. Harold has had enough and decides to build a proper bathroom himself.

When Albert decides to get married again, Harold does everything to put a stop to it.

The Stepmother

When Albert decides to get married again, it might finally be the chance for Harold to break free of his father. But instead of celebrating the marriage, Harold does everything he can to put a stop to it.

Harold takes Albert on a big night out in the West End to celebrate his birthday.

Sixty-Five Today

Harold takes Albert on a big night out in the West End to celebrate his birthday. It seems like a good idea, but the cocktail bar doesn't serve beer, the play is a load of rubbish and Albert doesn't like the food at the Chinese restaurant.

Harold has acquired a collection of classical music records, much to Albert's dislike.

A Musical Evening

Harold has acquired a collection of classical music and plans a night in to enjoy them. Albert is more of a popular music man and interrupts constantly with his hammering. He finally locks the records up and throws away the keys.

Harold has arranged a poker game with a few friends. Albert is morally outraged.

Full House

Harold has arranged a poker night with some friends, but Albert is morally outraged by the idea of gambling. He soon changes his tune when he sees Harold being cheated out of his money and hatches a crafty plan to win it all back.

While out on his rounds, Harold falls for a wealthy married woman.

Is That Your Horse Outside?

While out on his rounds, Harold meets a wealthy married woman who takes quite a shine to him. He agrees to visit her again the next day and puts his best suit on. A suspicious Albert follows him and tries to put a stop to their affair.

Harold plans to sail around the world - but what will he do with Albert?

Homes Fit for Heroes

Harold makes plans to sail around the world with a group of young adventurers, but he has to solve the problem of what to do with Albert. He decides to put his father into an old people's home.

Harold stores a job lot of coffins in the living room. Albert strongly objects.

The Wooden Overcoats

Harold buys a job lot of coffins and stores them in the living room. Albert, who's very superstitious, strongly objects. He moves into the stable to sleep until they have been moved, leaving Harold alone in the house at night.

The Steptoes buy some lead from a stranger and then the police pay a visit.

The Lead Man Cometh

Cash flow problems cause Harold to buy some lead at a knockdown price from a stranger who visits the yard. Panic sets in when the police pay a visit.

Albert's past threatens Harold's new relationship with a French au pair.

Steptoe a La Cart

Harold meets a French au pair on his rounds and starts dating her. When he brings her round to meet his father, a revelation from Albert's past means Harold's relationship with Monique may be too close for comfort.

The Steptoes go for their weekly visit to the cinema - but can they decide what to watch?

Sunday for Seven Days

The Steptoes go for their weekly visit to the cinema. Unfortunately their tastes in big screen entertainment differ wildly.

Albert lands a windfall on the premium bonds. A spending spree and jealously follows.

The Bonds That Bind Us

Albert lands a large windfall on the premium bonds. Albert soon goes on a wild spending spree and Harold soon goes from bitter to jealous.

To bring in some extra cash, Albert decides to take in a lodger. Harold is none too happy.

The Lodger

To bring in some extra cash, Albert decides to take in a lodger. Harold is none too happy and moves out of the family home and finds himself another job. Will he ever come back?

Harold is tying the knot but is jilted at the altar; the best man is far from upset.

And Afterwards At...

Harold is finally tying the knot but is jilted at the altar, leaving the bridegroom humiliated and in a terrible state; however the best man is far from upset.

Harold picks up a rare Meissen porcelain antique figurine on his rounds.

Crossed Swords

Harold picks up a rare antique figurine on his rounds, bearing the well-known crossed swords - denoting Meissen porcelain. He is determined to make a large profit from it.

Harold thinks the family home needs central heating and plans to fit it himself.

Those Magnificent Men And

Harold thinks the family home needs central heating. Albert is delighted until he hears that his son plans to install it all himself.

The bills are piling up, the bailiffs arrive and Albert and Harold take drastic action.

The Siege of Steptoe Street

The bills are piling up but there's no money to pay for them. As the creditors and bailiffs arrive in the yard, Albert and Harold decide to take drastic action.

Harold has nowhere to take his lady friends and resolves to get himself a bachelor pad.

A Box in Town

Harold has nowhere to take his lady friends and resolves to get himself a bachelor pad, but his love life doesn't go according to plan. Meanwhile Albert has a new lease of life.

Harold has political ambitions and Albert sets out to disrupt them.

My Old Man's a Tory

Harold has some big political ambitions and holds a local Labour Party meeting at home. Albert, a fervent Tory, sets out to disrupt it.

Albert wants Harold to take him to revisit the French battlefields of the Great War .

Pilgrim's Progress

Harold has reluctantly agreed to take Albert on a nostalgic trip to France to revisit the battlefields where he fought during the First World War. However, the plane journey there does not go according to plan.

The Steptoes go into mourning when Hercules dies - and his replacement falls ill as well.

A Death in the Family

The Steptoes go into mourning when Hercules dies of a heart attack at the grand old age of 39 - and the replacement horse mysteriously falls ill as well.

Harold is intending to go on a skiing holiday to Austria - on his own.

A Winter's Tale

Harold is intending to go on a skiing holiday to Austria - on his own. Albert feels lonely and neglected while Harold gets some last minute practice in.

An antiques dealer turns up at the yard - but Albert thinks he's after more than antiques.

Any Old Iron?

A sophisticated antiques dealer turns up at the yard and Harold is very impressed - but Albert thinks he's after more than antiques.

A heavily pregnant young woman turns up looking for Harold, who she thinks is the father.

Steptoe and Son and Son

A heavily pregnant young woman turns up looking for Harold, who she thinks is the father. Harold warms to the idea of becoming a dad but it can only end in pain and disappointment.

Albert wants a new colour television, but Harold wants to buy a sports car.

The Colour Problem

Harold wants to buy a sports car with his savings but Albert wants a new colour television. Harold gets his car, but Albert has a funny turn that forces him to think again.

The Steptoes decide to have X-rays taken when Albert's cough gets worse.

TB or not TB?

The Steptoes decide to have X-rays taken when Albert's cough gets worse. Albert gets the all clear, but what about Harold?

The Steptoes find the lease is running out on the house and need a bank loan to buy it.

Men of Property

The Steptoes find out the lease is running out on the house and need a bank loan to buy it. The bank manager ends up making them an offer they can't refuse.

Albert knocks over Harold's best china cabinet and launches into an elaborate cover up.

Robbery with Violence

Albert knocks over Harold's best china cabinet and launches into an elaborate cover up - including calling the police to report a break-in.

Harold needs someone to teach him how to dance to impress a girlfriend.

Come Dancing

Harold, who suffers from two left feet, desperately needs someone to teach him how to dance to impress a potential new girlfriend - but who can he ask?

Albert reveals he is getting married again and he invites the lady round to meet Harold.

Two's Company

Albert reveals he is going to get married again and he invites the lady round to meet Harold - causing a real shock when she arrives.

The battle lines are drawn between the Steptoes, as the local by-election looms.

Tea for Two

The battle lines are drawn between the Steptoes, as the local by-election looms. Albert is chosen to take tea with the Prime Minster, much to Harold's displeasure.

The noise of the nearby motorway convinces Harold that he wants to move to suburbia.

Without Prejudice

The noise of the nearby motorway convinces Harold that he wants to move to suburbia. When the local residents association turn up for a chat, Albert has a brainwave.

Harold decides to buy a snooker table and challenges Albert to a game.

Pot Black

Harold decides to buy a snooker table and sets it up in the house. When he challenges Albert to a game on the green baize, he is in for a surprise.

Harold brings home his latest bargain - a commode he thinks was used by royalty.

The Three Feathers

Harold brings home his latest bargain - a commode he thinks was used by royalty. The pair get involved in a tug of war over the antique toilet.

A brash Australian turns up on the doorstep and turns out to be Albert's long lost son.

Cuckoo in the Nest

A brash Australian turns up on the doorstep and turns out to be Albert's long lost son. However Harold doesn't take too kindly to his brother's new business ideas.

The vicar calls, asking for an article on rag and bone men for the church magazine.

Men of Letters

The vicar calls, asking for an article on rag and bone men for the church magazine's centenary edition. Harold writes the article, but Albert makes the contribution of a crossword.

Harold joins the local amateur dramatic society, who find themselves an actor short.

A Star Is Born

Harold joins the local amateur dramatic society. Rehearsals take place at the yard and Albert thinks he will give the acting lark a go as well.

Albert receives news that his brother has died and a family funeral is held.

Oh What a Beautiful Mourning

Albert receives news that his brother has died. A family funeral is held and the deceased Steptoe has the last laugh when his will is read out.

Albert gets a visit from the tax inspector, investigating his claim for his deceased wife.

Live Now PAYE Later

Albert gets a visit from the Inland Revenue investigating his claim for his wife, who has been dead for 30 years. Drastic action is needed, and drink and drag are involved.

Harold is dismayed to be beaten at badminton by his father.

Loathe Story

After being beaten at badminton by his father, who announces his desire to join the local tennis club, Harold tries to kill him while sleepwalking.

On a bitterly cold and desperate night, two strangely familiar crooks pay a visit.

The Desperate Hours

There's no electricity, no gas, no food, no booze and no fags - and, on top of that, two unwelcome visitors drop by.

A photographer arrives at the yard and wants to use it for a fashion shoot.

Back in Fashion

A photographer arrives at the yard and wants to use it for a fashion shoot. When a male model is required, there's a surprising volunteer.

Harold's love life has collapsed, and so has his bed - so a change is in order.

And So to Bed

Harold's love life has collapsed, and so has his bed. However after splashing out on a waterbed, he discovers it's not the only time he will be splashing.

Harold brings home an old 'What the Butler Saw' machine, but is shocked at what's inside.

Porn Yesterday

Harold brings home an old 'What the Butler Saw' machine, but gets a surprise when he takes a look at the film inside. What will the vicar think at the church fete?

A local villain demands money with menaces from the Steptoes but Albert has a plan.

The Seven Steptoerai

Frankie Barrow, a local villain, demands money with menaces from the Steptoes. Albert hatches a scheme with the help of Shepherd Bush's answer to the Seven Samurai.

Albert has done his back in and runs Harold ragged - but all is not what it seems.

Upstairs Downstairs, Upstairs Downstairs

Albert has done his back in and runs Harold ragged with demands for help. After a bit of detective work, Harold deduces all is not quite as it seems.

Clairvoyant Madame Fontana holds a séance at the Steptoes'.

Seance in a Wet Rag-And-Bone Yard

Clairvoyant Madame Fontana is invited to hold a séance at the Steptoes' by Albert, who wants to get in touch with Harold's mother - as well as Henry VIII and Laurel and Hardy.

Harold’s had enough of Christmas at home - time for a trip abroad!

Steptoe and Son: A Perfect Christmas

Christmas Special 1974. Harold’s had enough of Christmas at home and plans a trip abroad.  But Albert isn’t so keen, in fact he’d rather go to Bognor than abroad…

Harold tries to escape from his dad for Christmas - will he manage it?! 

Steptoe and Son Christmas Special 1973

Christmas Special 1973. Harold tries to escape from his dad yet again. This time he books a Christmas holiday to Majorca for himself, but hearing about this somehow causes Albert to fall mysteriously ill... Here we go again!

Steptoe and Son

Steptoe and Son

Series 7

1. Men of Letters

1. Men of Letters

2. A Star Is Born

2. A Star Is Born

3. Oh What a Beautiful Mourning

3. Oh What a Beautiful Mourning

4. Live Now PAYE Later

4. Live Now PAYE Later

5. Loathe Story

5. Loathe Story

6. Divided We Stand

6. Divided We Stand

7. The Desperate Hours

7. The Desperate Hours