Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Head down to the pub to see Will Mellor in this smash-hit 00s comedy

Don't miss Will Mellor in this brilliantly observed 00s comedy. Five mates play the game of Life in this comic show for the Playstation generation.

two-pints-of-lager-and-a-packet-of-crisps

Donna must find a boyfriend to convince her mother that she's neither gay nor repellent.

Fags, Shags and Kebabs

Feisty Donna needs to find a boyfriend to convince her acidic mother, Flo that she is neither gay nor repellent to men. With limited men at her disposal, it looks like Gaz will have to do.

Jonny is sick of being 'Mr Nice Guy' and tries his best at being a rogue.

Spunk

Jonny is sick of being 'Mr Nice Guy' and under Gaz's guidance tries his best at being a rogue. His girlfriend Janet's initial amusement at the idea turns to concern when Jonny goes missing.

Gaz has a massive bout of commitment-paranoia over Donna's toothbrush.

Bone with the Wind

Donna inadvertently leaves her toothbrush propped next to Gaz's, giving him a massive bout of commitment-paranoia. Janet worries that Jonny doesn't fancy her anymore and buys herself some sexy new underwear to win him back.

Gaz is determined to prove he still has what it takes in the chat-up department.

Angry Wangry

Janet decides to enrol as a student and is invited to a poetry recital by Cameron, a rich, pompous and thoroughly obnoxious student, but the evening does not go well.

Is it impossible for girls to be as funny as boys? Janet sets out to prove it isn't.

Lard

Is it impossible for girls to be as funny as boys? Jonny and Gaz think so. Not one to resist a challenge, Janet trawls through her 'crack-a-joke' books looking for that killer one-liner.

The pitter patter of tiny feet may be just around the corner for Janet and Jonny.

Ugly Babies

The pitter patter of tiny feet may be just around the corner for Janet and Jonny. Jonny has not taken the news about possible fatherhood too well.

Jonny tries to impress Janet into marrying him.

Munch

Jonny tries to impress Janet into marrying him but his job hunt is thwarted by a sex-starved cat. Gaz meets the brother he never knew he had and Louise realises she needs more from a boyfriend than a big bank balance.

Janet agrees to give up smoking before she and Jonny get married.

Fish

Janet agrees to give up smoking before she and Jonny get married, but her craving for nicotine makes her turn violent. Gaz is worried that Donna doesn't fancy him any more. Louise agrees to meet a secret admirer.

Jonny begs Janet's dad for his blessing for their wedding.

Kangaroo

Jonny begs Janet's dad for his blessing for their wedding and gets a great deal more than he bargained for. Donna plans a kinky night in. Louise and David find a new way to play the game of love.

Beastiality

Munch takes an unusual shine to Donna. Louise has to cope with a dirty secret from David's past.

Jonny discovers Janet's dad has a dirty secret.

Hospikal

Jonny discovers Janet's dad has a dirty secret. Gaz tries to avoid Munch and ends up in hospital. Donna tricks Louise into making up with her.

Janet, Donna and Louise go shopping for Janet's wedding dress.

Dresses Dresses Dresses

Janet, Donna and Louise go shopping for Janet's wedding dress - and get into all kinds of trouble. Jonny and Gaz discover a secret new kind of beer.

Jonny gets a job and a sexy offer he can't refuse.

Fockin Mokky Bokka

Jonny gets a job and a sexy offer he can't refuse. Gaz and Donna are up all night for the wrong reasons. David shows Louise a new way to cope with growing old.

Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny.

Jammy Dodgers

Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny. Gaz sends Donna out for a night on the town so he can get passionate with himself. Louise has trouble when her new boyfriend comes over all sexy.

Janet has decided that the most important thing about getting married is the presents.

Dump

Janet has decided that the most important thing about getting married is the presents she'll receive, so she makes a list.

Schluballybub

Gaz has a health scare and blames Donna. Jonny is so interested that he fails to notice that Janet is having second thoughts about marrying him. David finds a new way to test Louise's commitment.

Having fallen out of love with Jonny, Janet tearfully tries to dump him.

Corinthian Dies

Having fallen out of love with Jonny, Janet tearfully tries to dump him but is upstaged by some pasties. Gaz and Louise plot how to take revenge on their respective partners. Meanwhile, Donna decides that she can change her life, by going to college.

Jonny finds himself a new girlfriend, Kate, the barmaid at the Archer pub.

Piggy Goes Oink

Jonny finds himself a new girlfriend, Kate, the barmaid at the Archer pub. Gaz challenges David to a drinking contest for Donna.

Jonny ruins his first date with Kate by trying to be too manly.

My Delicious Guava

Jonny ruins his first date with Kate by trying to be too manly. Louise regrets moving in with Janet when they're trapped by the world's scariest spider. Gaz bids to become a pop idol; while Donna tries to find something interesting about herself.

Lonely Janet and horny Gaz get much closer than they'd ever intended.

Cuggles

Lonely Janet and horny Gaz get much closer than they'd ever intended. Jonny and Kate find out how biscuits can improve your love life. Louise applies for a lucrative new job. Meanwhile Kate helps struggling Donna to write her essay.

Gaz tries to get over his guilt by doing one special thing for Donna every day.

Purgatory

Gaz tries to get over his guilt by doing one special thing for Donna every day. Jonny and Kate try to find somewhere to shag. Louise persuades Janet to throw her a party. To Janet's horror, she invites Jonny and Kate; solving their big problem.

Gaz is on a quest; to split Jonny and Kate as only he knows how, by sleeping with Kate.

Mate Date

Donna's tutor invites her for extra coaching on his sofa.

Homeless and Horny

Donna's tutor invites her for extra coaching on his sofa. Gaz has a problem in his trousers - Mr Nudge appears to be resting, permanently.

Donna goes for a filthy brunching with her tutor.

Filthy Brunching

Donna goes for a filthy brunching with her tutor. Gaz finds an unusual solution to his pecker problem. Janet tries to excite Jonny with adventurous sex.

Jonny finds that his near-death experience has a profound effect on his relationships.

Dead

Jonny finds that his near-death experience has a profound effect on his relationship with Janet.

Flo has left the house to Donna in her will on one strange condition.

Nobbly Bobbly

Shrink

Janet has some exciting news for Jonny. Louise tries her hand at blackmail, but Janet and Gaz take extreme measures to silence her. Donna's had Flo's house valued and plans a dream holiday with Gaz until he drops a bombshell.

Ecuador

Gaz thinks he's been burgled. Jonny is preparing for fatherhood with a new car. Louise tries to bribe a pardon from Jonny with biscuits.

Jonny gets into trouble and has been banned from the off licence.

Potato People

Jonny gets into trouble and has been banned from the off licence and Louise is fed up that she can't get a job now she's a criminal. Donna fears that Kelly may have developed a crush on her, but Kelly just wants to make a play for sex-starved Gaz.

Janet and Jonny are planning their stag and hen parties.

Antlers

Janet and Jonny are planning their stag and hen parties. Janet wants a quiet baby shower, but Louise wants a rowdy party as it may be her last before going to jail. Meanwhile Gaz's attempts to stop anyone from telling Jonny that he slept with Janet.

It's the morning of Janet and Jonny's wedding.

Crab

It's the morning of Janet and Jonny's wedding, but the bride and groom are trapped in the back of a van.

Jonny invents a new cocktail when he gets a job in the pub.

Jonny invents a new cocktail when he gets a job in the pub, while Janet becomes a slob. Gaz's finds a shocking way to shed pounds and win Donna back. Meanwhile Louise has trouble with some teenage girls and struggles with her community service order.

Janet's more bothered about the pub quiz than going to ante-natal.

Stot or Pronk

Janet's more bothered about the pub quiz than going to ante-natal, so Jonny and Gaz decide to go to the class together.

Who's the Daddy?

Janet goes into labour. Concussed after being run over by the ambulance coming for Janet, Gaz tells Jonny some shocking news.

To divert Janet's attention from the adorable newborn Corinthian.

Bababababa

To divert Janet's attention from the adorable newborn Corinthian, Jonny starts acting like an even bigger baby.

Jonny comes up with some ideas to make baby Corinthian more interesting.

Jonny comes up with some ideas to make baby Corinthian more interesting. Janet is planning a christening, but are any of her friends really suitable godparents?

Love 83199

Jonny applies for his dream job, and Janet decides to get a job on the Isle of Wight ferry. Donna is looking for a dream home.

Louise's squeak is starting to annoy her new boyfriend Mick.

Near, Far

Janet is offered the job of a lifetime on a cruise ship.

Speedycruise

Janet is offered the job of a lifetime on a cruise ship, but it means leaving Jonny and Corinthian behind; Louise discovers the truth about her parents; and Donna buys a new business. Meanwhile Gaz's job is on the line as the business is sold.

Janet gets a new job, working from home, but Donna's career is on the skids.

Goblins

Janet gets a new job, working from home, but Donna's career is on the skids. Louise receives a letter from her earth mother - but she can't open it. Jonny campaigns for baby changing facilities at the pub, with unexpected results.

Gaz decides it's time to finally make a proper commitment to Donna.

Mummy Cupboard

Gaz decides it's time to finally make a proper commitment to Donna. Janet tries talking dirty for a living and Louise is in for a shock when she finally meets her real parents. Meanwhile Donna becomes a man.

Donna gives Gaz the answer to his marriage proposal.

Cauliflower

Donna gives Gaz the answer to his marriage proposal. Janet finds a new way of providing for her child - the only problem is its illegal. Louise meets her real Dad for the first time, but he is more interested in getting to know Jonny.

Jonny is reeling after being chatted up by Louise's dad.

Drunk

Jonny is reeling after being chatted up by Louise's dad. Louise is feeling let down by her dad and becomes an alcoholic. And Donna refuses to have Gaz's baby.

Janet is angry that Gaz tried to take Corinthian.

Croppity Crops

Janet is angry that Gaz tried to take Corinthian and decides to increase security in the home. Jonny gets a job - as a farmer. Donna persuades Gaz to try tantric sex, much to her frustration and Louise wants a new family.

Jonny makes a terrible discovery about Corinthian's parentage.

Finger Sniffing

Jonny makes a terrible discovery about Corinthian's parentage. Janet and Donna both go for the job of manager of the Archer. Donna thinks she's bound to get it, but Janet has other ideas. Meanwhile, Louise's new car is a god send.

Janet starts her job as manager of The Archer.

War, Hurrgh!

Janet starts her job as manager of The Archer and gives the pub a World War Two theme. Donna is intent on revenge, Jonny tries to help Gaz become a dad and Louise becomes a prostitute.

Closing Time

Janet is desperate to keep the pub open. Louise is feeling unwell and Kelly thinks she recognises the symptoms. Jonny thinks he has fallen in love with Gaz and Donna's little brother causes chaos when he comes to stay.

The Archer is about to be demolished in this special horror episode.

When Janet Killed Jonny

The Archer reopens following a refurbishment.

When Jonny Met Sharky

After the Archer reopens following a refurbishment, all the girls decide to apply for the new barmaid's job. Jonny leaves for Hawaii to go shark-jumping, after winning a competition, leaving Gaz to try and find something more exciting to do.

Janet tries to find a quick way to recover from her grief.

Dabdaa!

Janet tries to find a quick way to recover from her grief, following the death of her husband Jonny, so Gaz offers his help.

Janet takes desperate action to stay safe for baby Corinthian.

Homophobia Is Gay

Janet takes desperate action to stay safe for baby Corinthian. Gaz seeks a new friend to replace Jonny and Louise consorts with the spirit world.

Pregnant Louise finds out she's carrying a girl, not a boy.

Dead Jonny Walking

Pregnant Louise finds out she's carrying a girl, not a boy. When Donna fires bitchy Tim she has to work with depressed Janet and mad Munch.

Gaz works through his list of three things he must do before he dies.

Here Bums the Bride

Gaz works through his list of three things he must do before he dies, including being a porn star. Donna gets work in a charity shop to try to overcome her fear of death.

When the bailiffs come to repossess her house.

Six Months Later

When the bailiffs come to repossess her house, Janet has just 24 hours to get some money or lose her home.

When Donna goes to London to get her dream job, Janet and Gaz are left alone together.

African Death Face

With Donna about to go to London, the secret of Janet and Gaz's relationship comes out.

Borry

With Donna about to go to London, the secret of Janet and Gaz's relationship comes out. Then Donna reveals she's got a secret of her own. Meanwhile Louise finally has her baby, enthusiastically assisted by Munch.

It's Janet and Gaz's first night as a couple.

Candle

It's Janet and Gaz's first night as a couple after Donna has moved to London to be with Wesley and start a new career.

Donna visits Runcorn from 'that London' as she is missing her old roots and friends.

Gazman

Donna visits Runcorn from 'that London' as she is missing her old roots and friends. She tells Janet all about her fabulous new boyfriend, Wesley Presley.

Janet decides she wants to become a Police Community Support Officer.

Flan Van

Janet decides she wants to become a Police Community Support Officer and Donna is furious when Gaz tries to set her up with a tramp.

Janet has become a Police Community Support Officer.

Ello Ello

Janet has become a Police Community Support Officer and tries to gain Gaz's respect by making her first arrest. Louise is worried that Janet is a better mother than her so she dresses like Janet and tries to improve baby Louise's IQ.

When Donna and Gaz decide to get divorced, it takes them on a path down memory lane.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

When Donna and Gaz decide to get divorced, it takes them on a path down memory lane, looking back at their relationship in a series of flashbacks.

Gaz decides the time has come to propose to Janet.

Val Doonican

Now that Gaz and Donna are divorced, Gaz decides the time has come to propose to Janet. Scared that she is losing all her friends, in particular Gaz, Donna insists on helping him organise the proposal.

Janet arrives back from hospital with Wesley and Tim.

R-Soul

Janet arrives back from hospital with Wesley and Tim, minus an appendix, and there is no sign of Gaz.

Keep on Running

Donna and Janet are furious with Gaz and demand he decides who he wants to be with by three o'clock. Louise is worried her new boy-band boyfriend Scott is going to run off on tour with a groupie and turns all Fatal Attraction on him.

Gaz and Donna are finally together, but Gaz was left paralysed by his accident and the two of them are struggling to come to terms with his new life in a wheelchair.

Gaz struggles to get used to his metro-sexual carer Billy.

Gaz struggles to get used to his metro-sexual carer Billy. Not only does Billy have manicures, he keeps calling him babe and trying to hug him.

Gaz and Billy are now friends after Billy saved him from the fire.

Gaz decides to compete in the Paralympics.

Gaz decides to compete in the Paralympics, and Donna sees this as a golden opportunity to prepare for her new HR manager job and takes over his training.

Now Tim has finally come out, he is determined to meet a nice boyfriend.

Now Tim has finally come out, he is determined to meet a nice boyfriend, but worries that it is easier said than done in Runcorn.

After Donna's revelation that she may be pregnant.

After Donna's revelation that she may be pregnant, she and Gaz have some big decisions ahead, and they are not easy for the couple to come to terms with.

Flashback to the moment that Janet and Jonny first met

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Christmas Special 2003

Action-packed comedy special. Flashback to the moment that Janet and Jonny first met on a night out in sunny Runcorn - it's a fantastic musical extravaganza.

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Series 1

1. Fags, Shags and Kebabs

2. Spunk

3. Bone with the Wind

4. Angry Wangry

5. Lard

6. Ugly Babies