Nicole breaking rules, a knees-up with Vinnie Jones and more shocking exits than you can shake a stick at!
Not gonna lie, we've been sat here crying in the dark, eating ice cream since Saturday night just 'cause our nerves are shot after THAT shock exit. Not even having Vinnie on repeat in the background can lift us out of this funk. But we're here to give you all the goss from the second X Factor: Celebrity Live show, *downs melted ice cream, and wipes mouth* and the goss you shall get!
It all started with a bang. The absolute BABE that is Jonny Labey kicked off the show with 00s indie classic 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl'. Obviously, it had to be in Jonny's style and OBVIOUSLY it was nothing short of brilliant. With his Elvis lip curl, Elvis flairs and Elvis hair, Jonny completely strutted about on stage in true rock 'n' roll fashion. He might have been wearing a see-through shirt, but there wasn't anything see-through about his performance... Even if Simon didn't like it, you can't argue with originality and Jonny oozes it. More like him, please.
How do you top Jenny's grand return last week, rising like a phoenix from the ashes? Well, Jenny did just that on Saturday night. Clearly, the only way to go next-level phoenix is to go honourable... like a dame! Dame Shirley Bassey that is. We would have given her a Safe Seat if we could, because Jenny's got pipes! This phoenix just keeps burning brighter every week.
No Love Lost
For a while there, we were hoping double denim was lost in the 90s fashion vault along with floppy hats, buffalo boots and slap bracelets. Then No Love Lost came along looking like a modern-day B*Witched, with the energy of Rudimental and the stage presence of Chase & Status! In true old-meets-new fashion, this fab four took on the early 90s Charles & Eddie hit 'Would I Lie To You' - flipping it completely and boy, it SLAPPED. All we're saying is Lighthouse Family have a whole back catalogue that would be ripe for No Love Lost's pickin'. Their performance won them the first Safe Seat of the night from Simon! Brb while we furiously work out and sing on the treadmill to try and get on their level.
Uh, Victoria just has so much talent it makes us feel sick. How can someone be that BEAUTIFUL, that GRACEFUL, that VIVACIOUS?! Not only did she take on Queen Bey's 'Why Don't You Love Me', she completely rivalled the original. Imagine that, taking on Beyoncé and doing just as good of a job? To say Victoria smashed her performance is an understatement, and we're not here to understate anything. We didn't even have time to mention the massive glitter ball she outshone... but we're sure you get the picture.
Max & Harvey
Who needs oil to power the country when we have Max & Harvey. If we had just 10% of their energy we wouldn't have to live off all of this coffee but, the joys of being 16 right? The boys first won the Judges' hearts with a Jonas Brother's song, then they tried Bros (which didn't go down too well) so why not take their chances again with Jonas Brothers' hit 'Cool'? Long story short, it was a pretty erm, cool performance which got them back in the Judges' good books.
Pink jacket, pink trousers, pink converse; you can sit with us! Kevin's version of Tones and I's 'Dance Monkey' was flawless. We're talking Safe Seat-winning flawless. Maybe Matthew Morrison is Kevin's lucky charm or maybe it's the threat of not making it to regionals? We don't know, but it looks like Kevin is on the unstoppable train and we're not sure if there's a chance of slowing down until the X Factor: Celebrity Finals. Like a love-struck Ralph Wiggum, we'd choo choo choose him.
Martin, oh Martin. Where do we begin? Positives: we loved the snake hips, we really did, plus who doesn't love to listen to a bit of Lionel Richie's 'Easy'? Buuuut, and it's a big BUT (we can't lie) you've got to remember the words, Marty! Nicole was right though, it is an absolute honour to have this guy in the competition and knowing how much he loves reggae, we could tell he was in his element taking on the Jimmy Lindsay version of 'Easy'.
We wanted to remain miserable after England lost against South Africa in the Rugby World Cup, but Try Star just wouldn't let us. We do have to acknowledge that Thom played for Scotland, so it makes it 10x better knowing he put his soul into his performance in solidarity with his fellow bandmates. Forever the English patriot, Nicole broke ALL THE RULES by giving Try Star her category's Safe Seat - an X Factor: Celebrity first and a moment we won't forget. We only REALLY have room for one dame on this show, but on Saturday there were two! Arise Dame Scherzy.
The temperature in the X Factor: Celebrity studio was set to MAX as V5 brought the Latin heat again with their 10/10 'Despacito' / 'Mi Gente' mash-up. Aaaand there goes our ice cream. Honestly, these girls have more talent in their little finger than we could ever dream of *said through bitter teeth* and we're ok with it.
We literally scanned through Vinnie's performance of ska anthem 'Lip Up Fatty' frame by frame, and there wasn't one single frown to be seen in the studio. How Vinnie managed to get another knees-up started on the show we have no idea, but we are counting down the minutes until Vinnie gets the party started again this weekend...
Damn Megan, back at it again with another original song! This week Megan treated us with 'Stronger' - a heartfelt, super personal song. Can Megan stop moving us to tears, please? How she manages to stun us week in, week out, we'll never know. Pop-Princess Megan certainly has a good ring to it.
Now for the time of the week that sinks our stomach without failing: the results. Like last week the only way to vote was via the app, so when the results came in we discovered Martin, Victoria and Jonny were in the bottom three. UGH! We were sucker-punched when Dermot revealed that Victoria received the fewest votes this week. Right, own up, who didn't vote for her? Because we were livid.
Then Simon slapped us in the face with MORE drama; which hip-ster does he choose to send home? Martin 'Snake Hips' Bashir or Jonny 'Hip Shaker' Labey? With Nicole whispering not-so-sweet nothings in his ears, something about giving Try Star her Safe Seat, the worst happened - Simon threw it to the public and asked for the second-lowest vote to decide for him. Out of NOWHERE we were saying goodbye to the X Factor: Celebrity king of swing, Jonny Labey.
And THAT is why we've been sat in the dark eating ice cream ever since.
Don't worry, we'll switch to fro-yo in time for the weekend. But until then join us in watching all the performances from last weekend again on YouTube.